Archives for posts with tag: twitter

Award Season Fever has gripped me; I can’t sleep at night as I lay awake tossing and turning and contemplating Best Cinematography nominations, and the entire left side of my body routinely goes numb.  Though my doctor assures me that the numbness thing cannot possibly be caused by Award Season Fever, I know my body.  This is an exciting time of the year, and I wanted to get in on some of this sweet, validating action.  However, seeing as I belong to zero governing bodies in the arts, I’m gonna have to get a little creative about my own personal awards.  Without further ado, I present the winners of the 2014 Wylies!

1. Most Pretentious Thing Ever Filmed

Narrowly edging out the plastic bag scene from American Beauty, which won this category for the last 14 years straight, I give you the new iPad Air commercial, “Your Verse,” which suggests that by using an iPad, you will be making significant contributions to the advance of human civilization.  Give it a watch if you need a reason to be angry for a few minutes

2. Best Tweet of they Year

I gotta tell ya, it’s been a great year for the ol’ Twitter machine, and this was a tough category to choose a winner from, but I’ve gotta hand it to this one because, in addition to being hilarious, the construction is just flawless

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Honorable Mentions:

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3. Favorite Site to Hate With A Burning Passion

This category means a lot to me.  For one, a large part of my personal identity is devoted to looking down on people who post from the various sites I put in this category.  Previous winners have been Buzzfeed and Pinterest, but I’ve grown tired of hating them and my wrath needs a new outlet.  So now, I give you my winner for Favorite Site to Hate in 2014: Upworthy.com! Upworthy may have had a time several months ago, when they would share just a few really big stories with a unique, positivist spin on them, but recently they’ve succumbed to the demon hellbeast of overly-viral marketing, and I’ve found my newsfeed littered with embedded videos about “This Kid Will Literally Change The Way You Think About Fast Food In 90 Seconds” and “This Totally Amazing Cat Knows A Mind-Blowing Truth That Needs To Be Shared.”  The site has become the bastard child of a cute Youtube video and a particularly uplifting episode of Oprah.  And for that, I hate it.

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Really pandering to their target audience with this one…

4. Movie With The Best Built In Porn Title

Inside Llewyn Davis.  No contest here.

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5. Funniest Youtube Video (Intentional)

While I was initially considering handing out this award to my very favorite Youtube comedy duo BriTaNick, I decided that they hadn’t really released anything that was worthy this past year.  So instead, I’m gonna have to give it to my favorite Norwegians of accidental international fame, Ylvis, for their video “Massachusetts.”  And not just because I live there now either.

6. Funniest Youtube Video (Unintentional)

The real hard part in choosing this winner was that I had to be sure that the humor was completely unintentional.  But then I saw this video and I knew I had a winner.  Kanye West’s Bound 2 is easily the worst song I’ve heard in a long time, and has a long laundry list of musical reasons why it’s awful.  But the song itself isn’t the hilarious thing about it.  It’s the fact that self-proclaimed creative genius Kanye decided that the best visual accompaniment to this train wreck of a song was to force us to watch him dry hump his wife on a stationary motorcycle in front of an iMovie greenscreen effect.  He also speaks the words “I wanna fuck you hard in the sink” and rhymes “bad reputation” with “Brad reputation” and if I haven’t convinced you how hilarious this video is yet I’m clearly never going to.

7. Best Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence.  For the third year running, J-Law is the winner of this category. Now please return my phone calls!

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For those of you who are unaware, I am currently attending Berklee College of Music in Boston, a school that is just as well-known for its progressive and contemporary approach to musical education as it is for its high tolerance of scarves, American Spirit cigarettes and Urban Outiftters apparel.

With Hurricane Sandy barreling up the coast towards Boston, many people have been out trying to prepare for the worst, stocking up on non-perishable foods and batteries.  However, Berklee students are acutely aware that it’s very difficult to maintain a cool, detached vibe while eating peanut butter sandwiches by candlelight in your apartment.  For the more fashion- and image-conscious among us, here are some tips to survive the storm, and still look like a hip young Bohemian artist while doing so!

1. Boat shoes are a very practical choice of footwear.  In the event that the entire city floods and you require rescue by boat, you’ll fit right in!

Definitely go for Sperry’s if you can, you’ll find a ride on a yacht way easier than with some knockoff brand

2. It’s quite possible that Starbucks will be closed during the worst part of the storm, meaning that you will not only lack a place to write your novel, but also be running on empty in the coffee department. Never fear though – you can make your own pumpkin spice lattes at home by just pouring boiling water and coffee grounds into your jack-o-lantern!

Delicious AND seasonal!

3. It doesn’t matter that we’ll be under a thick and constant cloud cover – aviator sunglasses can also make very effective (and styling!) shields against the rain.  However, thick-rimmed glasses may be more durable against the intense winds.

It’ll be a little tough to keep you hair this awesome with 70mph winds, though

4. With everyone else staying indoors for a few days, the lines at the Apple Store should be miniscule. Take advantage of this and go get an iPhone 5! Just kidding, you’ve already got an iPhone 5 if you go to Berklee, obviously.

This is way shorter than normal

5. You know what looks cooler than standing outside in the cold and smoking? Standing outside in the cold AND rain while smoking! Definitely hit up the Berklee Beach for maximum visibility of your coolness.

This kid’s getting an early start on being a total badass

6. This storm is essentially the Instagram event of the decade. If you take less than 75 sepia-toned pictures of blurry rain and clouds, you’re doing yourself a disservice.

This is powerful stuff, right here

7. Most people are stocking up on food and water, but if the power and water goes out, that also means the internet goes out!  Be sure to stock up on tweets in the next few hours to avoid a withdrawal.  You wouldn’t want your friends to be wondering how much wet hair annoys you during the storm!

Twitter is a vital source of information in times like this

8. Flashlights are a waste of money.  iPhones have built-in LEDs and they can play music too! How many flashlights can do that?  Your iPhone should be able to stay on flashlight mode for about 3 hours straight before running out of battery, or 2 if you’re blasting “Set Fire to the Rain” on a constant loop for an ironic hurricane dance party.

Actually, I’m not so convinced anymore. This light isn’t even capable of lighting up the entire frame of this picture…

9. Raincoats may be waterproof, but they’ll never match the nostalgic charm of a peacoat.  To counteract the hydrophilic qualities of a wool coat in a hurricane, just wear 3 peacoats at all times! They can’t all get wet!

It’s a little harder to wear 3 pairs of peacoat shoes simultaneously though. Better stick with boat shoes

Hopefully we can all survive this natural disaster in style now with these helpful tips!  Be safe out there, everyone! Unless it would be cooler to be unsafe in a given situation. Then, by all means, endanger away!